I have my husband’s full support and permission in sharing the details of our story. He and I are completely different people now and are eager to share our story of redemption, because our desire is that God would use it to give others hope.
In the bank’s parking lot, I asked him if he wanted to follow me to the car to say goodbye to the baby. After he did, I awkwardly hugged his limp arms, said I loved him, and told him I wasn’t looking for a divorce. He walked away without saying a word. He was so mad.
With my dad, I began the 5 hour trip to my parents’ house. It took a few hours longer since the baby was colicky. When we got there, we moved things around in the spare room so the baby and I could both fit with our stuff. Then I hung up a few pictures of Will over the changing pad so our baby wouldn’t forget him. I was so broken, worried of what would happen with my marriage, and exhausted from taking care of a baby who wouldn’t nap or sleep well out of my arms. I was also a bit relieved, because now I had a lot more help with the baby and support from people who knew what was going on – something that was missing from my day to day life back home.
It felt so good to have the physical comfort of my parents. I remember tearful conversations with my mom while navigating each step from separation to reconciliation. She would pray and give practical advice when necessary, then remind me to trust God when there wasn’t more to say. Her godly wisdom and presence helped me get through.
I hadn’t heard from or called my husband since I had gotten there, but one day while my parents were out, I was trying to figure out how to hook up their video camera to the TV so I could watch my wedding video. I needed help and saw that as an excuse to call Will. It was less than a week after I had gotten there. He didn’t know how to help me over the phone, but somehow, just the fact that we were talking started to soften his heart. He told me he got a credit card and bought a computer. He wanted to set up a time to chat online with me. When he told me his screen name, I didn’t comment, but I had a little flicker of hope. He used parts of both of our names in his screen name!
After the initial anger about me leaving him and being kicked out of our apartment, he started to realize that the addiction and all of his actions that went along with that weren’t worth losing his family over. We started talking more, especially online, because neither one of us had many minutes on our prepaid phones. Almost immediately after our first conversation, he said he wanted to do whatever it would take to get me back. He was sorry for everything and ready to do whatever would be needed to overcome the addiction and work toward healing our marriage.
He was done with Canada. He was ready to stop working at the restaurant. He set out to prove that he was ready to make changes so he could take care of our family. He interviewed for a more professional job and got it. Working full time during the day would help him be more accountable to come home straight after work. Because a man’s sense of worth is often wrapped up in his vocation, working a “real job” would help with his depression and give him a purpose.
There were a bunch of financial hurdles that we had to work through. Though he was making good money at times at the restaurant, much of it had been blown to feed the addiction as he got further into it, so it had been hard to pay our bills. He used the new credit card to get some other things for the room he had to rent. He got into more debt to buy a suit for the interview and a few more after he was offered the position. The job required him to get licensed in the field, which of course cost money. It was a commission only job, so after he took it, there were times when we couldn’t pay our bills. It looked to be a rough ride in more ways than one if we were going to work toward reconciliation. God was doing a miraculously quick work in us, and we were ready to take those steps.