Sometimes it’s a gradual descent into darkness and sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere.

A girlfriend of mine and her teenage daughter came for coffee and showed me a video of the teenager at a self -defense class. There was this tiny little wisp of a girl standing on the mat, her eyes closed in total darkness, in total silence as her attacker silently crept around her. She couldn’t hear him, or see him until that very moment when he jumped and attacked. My insides started shaking just watching her! And I knew it was a class, knew she was just fine as she sat and showed me the video! Dressed in full pads and face mask, suddenly he threw himself at her and grabbed her from behind. I couldn’t help but laugh as she fought him so hard that he called it….called it because her hit had broken the face mask and cut his face. This girl used what she had learned and fought. Fought back against an attacker much bigger and stronger than she…not knowing where it was coming from….trained to be ready.

My last post on this blog was about letting go, when my youngest little boy turned 6. Since then, my oldest turned 20 (yes, that’s a whole new mama crisis). But in that 5 weeks in between I was in a bad place. Mary calls it a funk! Slowly the attacks came, pulling me down gradually, almost to a point where I didn’t see how far down I was. The thing was, it wasn’t anything that was a life changer…as I sit here typing life is back to normal (as in the normal craziness of mamahood…it feels like it shouldn’t be the norm, but we all know it is). It was little things.

My 3 youngest got sick. Not the kind of sick where we have couch and a t.v. day for a day or two, but the kind of sick where I wore a hole in the pavement going back and forth to the doctor for 3 weeks…strep, ear infections, horrible viruses, migraines, bronchitis and asthma attacks. One after the other….after the other….and then again as soon as someone got better. The hubs was traveling for work. Life was still going with all its responsibilities.  Finally healthy, I threw out my back and ended up with muscle relaxants that turned me into…let’s just be nice and say a different person.  I don’t do medication well, and between the constant pain and then coming off those every morning…my family was ready to run for the hills. Now, I know any mama reading that paragraph has been through something like this, numerous times…you get it!

Many times, the attack is much worse…

A phone call that leaves you on your knees

A road of sickness

A broken relationship

A rebellious child

A situation completely out of your control

A loss that brings perspective you never wanted

I’ve had an experience like that as well. As have you.

I was thinking about that video. She was prepared and ready. Ready to fight!

Psalm 144:1-2 says, “Blessed be the Lord, my Rock and my keen and firm strength, Who teaches my hands to war and my fingers to fight– My steadfast love and my fortress, my high tower and my deliverer, my shield and He in whom I trust and take refuge.”

It’s in Him that we find strength for the battles. It’s in His word that we find hope in the darkness.

Psalm 18:28-39 says, “For you cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine, the Lord my God illumines my darkness.

For by You I can run through a troop and by my God I can leap over a wall.

As for God, His way is perfect! The word of God is tested and tried: He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him.

For who is God except the Lord? Or who is the rock save our God.

The God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect?

He makes my feet like hind’s feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]: He sets me securely upon the high places.

He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up.

You have given me plenty of room for my steps under me that my feet would not slip…

You have girded me with strength for the battle…..

Ephesians 6 talks about the armor of God…being ready for the battle. In verse 10, it says, “Be strong in the Lord [empowered through your union with Him] draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides].  As for me, I need this every day. Every day can seem like something comes against us. His word is what brings hope and light to any darkness in our lives. My sweet mama friends, this is what we need to face whatever our day brings. In the devastation or the annoyances, it’s His grace and strength that brings us through. Will you look to Him today with me? He loves you. He sees you in whatever you are facing. He is pleased with your faithfulness in doing this mama thing, day after day for His precious little ones. Look to Him. Lean on Him. Let’s let Him train our hands for the battle and be ready to face whatever comes our way.

Spring is such a fresh and energizing time of year. At least, in theory it is….in reality, for the homeschool mom it often is a time of burn out and feeling depleted. I’ve been pondering why that is and one thought is that it’s a form of exhaustion that happens after the holidays. The fall brings the slow train ride up the hill to Thanksgiving, with December feeling like you’ve hit the top of the hill. All the shopping, prepping, and events that go with the holiday season are like a giant culmination of fun mixed with some stress. Then that slow train starts speeding down the hill to January and February. The train comes to a stop and it can be a mixture of “gee, that was fun, what now?” and “I’m whooped, and brain fried. Can we just get to May/June?” ….and “Where’s the sun?” (but that’s a whole other post).

My train came to a sudden stop in January, and ever since I’ve been rethinking our days and dissecting my feeling of burnout. I’ve come to the point where I decided I could either keep feeling fried, or I could do something different. Change is my new remedy for feeling blah. In my mind, I decided….change something, what have I got to lose? I could make some low risk changes and hope for some high return on my risk investment. First, I made a mental list of the things that were not bringing me joy or were pretty much sucking the life out of our home (and home school). Then I gave myself some self talk to stir up the courage to do something different, even possibly go the opposite direction. As soon as I did that…figured out what was weighing us down or holding us back and made new choices…. I felt more like myself. Truly, when you figure out the way YOU should go and go in that direction, many other things just naturally fall into place.

With that being said, I wanted to share some ideas for changing things up…..

1. If you’re feeling sluggish or bummed out…exercise in any form could help. For me, walking has done wonders.

2. Look over your schedule (your kids schedule) and determine what is absolutely essential. What things are important for the greater good of you, your children, your family, and keep those things. Let go of the other things. They may possibly be time and energy suckers. It’s better to do one thing great than several things mediocre.

3. Is there something in your school work line up that has been driving you and the kids crazy? Maybe the way you teach or the way they learn? Figuring out your teaching style and their learning style can make a big difference in home school joy. One year, I realized that our home school style at the time was causing us to hit a brick wall daily. Once we tweaked things, everyone felt more peace.

4. Move some furniture or organize a room. Those that know me well know that I love to move furniture. I’ve been doing it since I was a child. It brings me joy and makes things feel fresh. Just decluttering a drawer can make you feel like you are moving forward and changing things.

Moving forward….I guess that is my ultimate hope. When burn out and slumps set in, change could be a simple solution. Keep moving forward {and cut yourself some slack, you are not alone in feeling that way}.

The snow is starting to melt and the sun is shining. That right there….the sun is shining. In our city it’s a rare and awesome thing. It’s amazing how the sun can fuel my energy. It makes me want to de-clutter, organize, and clean. As soon as the clouds cover that beautiful sun, all I want to do is stay in my pjs, grab a book, and get on the couch.

It’s funny how when the sun is shining my perspective seems clearer. Hope seems more obtainable. Everything seems a bit brighter.
The thing is, on those other days, the days where it’s grey outside and everything feels gloomy….how do we bring in some synthetic sun? How do we find some oomph to get us through the gloom? Hopefully, we’ve been implementing a self-care routine {even one thing}, but we may need an added jolt to give a good spark to our day.

A few quick oomph starters….

1. Write….journal, get those thoughts out, send a note to a loved one. Writing sometimes clears the head which allows space for other {hopefully better} thoughts.
2. Beverage of choice and an inspiring book. Maybe tea? Whatever is your cup of tea….(pun intended) flavor or book choice
3. Some form of exercise. A walk, some jumping jacks in your family room, stretching. Anything that gets your body moving gets those good endorphins pumping through your body.
4. Get out of the house if you can. Even a trip to Wegmans or Target can make a difference.
5. And fill your mind with good thoughts

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

The high schooler and I were talking SATs and college stuff when he mentioned a certain far away college to go along with his very dangerous occupation of choice at the moment. This of course sent my head into my hands with great lamentations. My 9 year old said, “Well, Mom, they can’t stay small forever.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I did some of both. Poor boys. It’s this business of letting go. I’m just not a big fan, and I’m realizing that it’s not just in these big things…it’s happening all the time.

We are a family of all boys, so you can imagine what my boys have done to the “Let it go” song, having a marvelous time making it gross and then laughing hysterically. Did I just ruin it for you forever? Yeah, me, too.

‘Let it go’refers to the act of releasing or relinquishing.

When Mr. College Boy was 6, I had the high schooler toddling around with his curls and dimples. When he was six, my older little was born, allowing us back into the precious “littles” days. Then when he was six, my littlest was still little! Now the that baby is turning six this week, and I’m sorry, but the puppy is just not cutting it.

Every season is a new stage of letting go, of saying goodbye to an age or time, or grieving a “last”. They sneak up on you, those lasts. The baby stops nursing, moves out of a crib, sends you away so he can wash himself in the big boy shower (yes, Mom, I let him. He gets generally clean)….it’s letting go. They get on that kindergarten school bus, or they go to their friends for that first away from mama play date. They drive away for the first time alone, or walk that graduation stage, or have to face adult consequences for the first time…it’s all letting go. For us mamas, I think it can be an issue of knowing if they will be okay. It’s releasing the control of being the one who makes sure they are safe, secure, and loved. We want the best for them, to not be hurt, to not make wrong choices, to flourish wherever they are. In the end, we have to trust in how we’ve raised them or are raising them, and in the Lord, who we gave them to in the beginning. All along they’ve been in God’s hands, a whole lifetime of releasing, of relinquishing control to the One who loves them even more that we do. It’s knowing that even if they choose differently than we would have or when they embark on their own path, He will never let them go- He never gives up on them or relinquishes His call or love for them. And that is the very best place for them to be.

Do you remember the “me time” movement a few years back? My boys were probably toddler age at the time. All over the internet or in the local support groups you would hear about how important it was to have me time…time for yourself. I’m going to be totally honest and say I never jumped on that movement. I did need time to myself, and my days felt crazy and hectic, but that particular concept never fully resonated with me. I realize now it’s because what I really needed was self-care. Now, I’m guessing you may have heard those buzz words.

Self-care, and the idea that we need to take care of ourselves to then be able to be our best for others {family, work, whatever….}, is just a practical and healthy concept. I’ve noticed that many women push themselves until exhaustion….both mental and physical. We don’t stop until we are forced to. We wake up some days wondering, “why am I so exhausted?” never fully realizing that our over scheduled days and long to do list could very well be our worst enemy.

This morning I woke up feeling depleted and realized it was 40 minutes past my normal wake up time. I had to tell myself that it was ok and that I needed rest. I was even trying to tell myself to sleep a little longer. I can do that because I have 13 year olds who can make their own breakfast, get dressed, etc. But what do you do when you have little ones and need rest? I’m not going to pretend that I have some magic solution. Every one of us has a unique situation so there is no one size fits all self-care recipe. I think that is the most important principle of self-care….you have to figure out, through trial and error, what is your best remedy.

When my twins were little, I was able to limit outside activities, so that’s what I did. We spent many days at home in our pajamas. In fact, most of our home movies will star me in my pjs, no make-up, and hair wild & free. At one point, I enlisted a family member to watch our boys for a couple hours each week just so I could slowly walk around Target. That little child-less Target trip did wonders for my week. So, I guess I was administering self-care without even realizing it.

Jump to today and I think I’ve perfected my unique self-care routine….may I suggest some ideas? But remember the best self-care routine is the one that speaks to YOU, the one that causes you to feel refreshed. Maybe make a list of a few things that quickly come to mind and which bring you joy. That’s what I did to come up with my own routine.

1. “Be still and know that I am God….” Psalm 46:10. I like the New American Standard version… “Cease striving and know that I am God.” For sure this is my number one cure for blah and lifeless days. I will make a cup of tea, sit, pray, read….I will just be still. You may be thinking, “yeah, but she has 13 year olds who aren’t tugging at her…” You’d be surprised. I find the moment I’m still, suddenly husband and boys need me, or want to talk. In those moments I do stop and answer or listen, but then go right back to that quiet moment.
2. Rest. Oh, how I love me some sleep. I’ve read that even a 15 minute nap in the middle of the day can help meet your sleep quota. I’m going to start testing that theory out. Get it when you can is my mantra.
3. Chocolate and tea…or coffee….or whatever floats my boat on that day. I usually add this part of self-care to the “Be still” moment.
4. I listen to encouraging podcasts or read a good book. For me, encouragement or reading and feeling a “me too” moment does wonders for my attitude. It can give me energy and make me feel hopeful. I seek out these things often.
5. A walk. Preferably outside in fresh air. Love the adrenaline boost it gives me.
6. Etc, etc…..

My list goes on. It’s actually pretty long, but as you can see, it’s totally unique to me. And really the things on my list are things you may already do. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that it’s good that we take care of ourselves. You may be thinking, nahh I’m not into books or podcasts. Ohh that reminds me, I forgot music…give me a good song, one I want to sing along with and I get an instant mood boost. The point is, there are so many things we can do, but we often forget to do any of them. If you’re feeling depleted, take a couple moments to scratch out your own list. Hopefully, you’ll see that taking some time to take care of yourself will do wonders…for yourself and also your family.