A prophetic friend recently wrote the following on Facebook: “I keep seeing a vision of someone trying to get a kite up in the air, and then WHOMP, it nosedives into the ground! I hear the Lord saying, ‘You’ve struggled with believing that you could do the things that My word says you can do. Your old thinking tells you that it’s impossible, and even though you try to go higher, you crash back down into a lack of success. But I say to you, who do you believe: your doubting nature, or Me? I say to you, BELIEVE! JUST BELIEVE! Believe My word, believe My heart for you! As you believe, you’ll tap into a spiritual power of faith that is deposited in your spirit that will cause you to SOAR HIGH without the THUD of crashing! Stop expecting to crash, and get ready to succeed! Stop sabotaging your future. Shift your expectation, and begin to BELIEVE that I am with you and will bring manifestation to the promises spoken over you! Get up into the atmosphere and SOAR HIGHER! I’ve created you to do it!!!!'”

This is a good word, it boosts my faith, and there’s a ton in it for me to really chew on. But I’m going to share my first reaction to it and what I heard the Lord say to me in response.

You see, over the course of the past 5 years, I have come to a place where I don’t trust God like I used to. A very dear friend of mine lost her son to brain cancer 5 years ago. We were praying full of faith for his complete healing, and when he died, everything within me expected him to rise from the dead during his funeral. But he didn’t. And then, just a few years later, another friend, in the same faith circle as the first, found out her daughter had the same kind of cancer. She died a year and a half ago. When my husband was out of work, I feared foreclosure on our house (which didn’t happen). In the past, I would have been so sure that God would miraculously take care of us before anything like foreclosure would happen. This time, it was a real struggle to believe in God’s goodness. I’ve seen how high my faith can soar, only to come crashing down hard enough that I wondered if it would ever be the same again.

So when I read this prophetic word, I thought, “But what if the nosedives have hurt so much that I don’t want to go high anymore? I have a trust issue with God, and I don’t know if I want my faith to be strong again if I’m going to take any more hard blows.” I told my husband, “I love this word, but nosedives hurt so much that it makes trusting His heart for me a little difficult.” He challenged me, “What’s the alternative? Not trying?” When I shared this with Claire, she said she’s told her boys, “no matter what happens in life, no matter how hard things get, hold on to Jesus and don’t ever let go.”

I told God, “A tiny bit of me wants to go back up, but I don’t know the first step.” Then He showed me a mind picture of a woman timidly holding on to Jesus’ coattails, the very end of his clothes, like the woman with the issue of  blood did. He showed me that the reason I’m still holding on is because I remember His faithfulness in the past. I’m standing behind Him, holding on, because I cannot see the future. The future looks cloudy, and I imagine there is just more disappointment there and an unchanged me there. But I have just enough trust left to hold on, because what’s the alternative? Then He asked me, “Do you trust me enough to hold tight to my coattails? Do you have enough resolve to not let go?” The woman with the issue of blood sure did. I’m sure she wasn’t afraid, but if I can sneak up behind him and timidly hold on, I bet that little amount of faith could still let me witness some pretty powerful stuff! Jacob also chose not to let go. He wrestled with the Angel of the Lord and said, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.” He walked away with his hip out of socket, but he and a whole nation were forever blessed.

Sometimes (heck, many times) life hurts even enough to almost crush a person’s faith. I keep coming across people who have decided that even if God never answered another prayer or gave them another blessing, that what Jesus provided for us on the cross was more than enough for them to give their whole lives to serving and loving Him. I’m not sure I can say that myself. I’ve read too many stories about God doing amazing miracles in the Bible and countless times in the lives of people who have lived since Bible times. I believe that God is “the God who performs miracles,” and displays His “power among the peoples.” (Psalm 77:14) My heart longs to see people that I pray for healed, people delivered from addiction and oppression, lame people get up and walk, and dead people rise right before my eyes. That’s the kind of God I serve, and He still does miracles today. I’m sick of only hearing the stories from far away or long ago. I want to experience God’s power personally, over and over again.

I’ve been taught to take prophetic words and see if they line up with what the Bible teaches. If they do, it is a confirmation that the word came from God. In the word above it says, “As you believe, you’ll tap into a spiritual power of faith that is deposited in your spirit that will cause you to SOAR HIGH without the THUD of crashing!” 1 Corinthians 12 says that one of the spiritual gifts is a gift of faith. So the faith the Bible and this word are talking about is a spiritual kind given from God, not something I can produce myself. My job is to believe God and what He says even if my experiences and my “doubting nature” (see above) say something different.

After I was honest with God and He challenged me, I can say that He has assured me that if I believe and won’t let go, He’s going to grow my faith. The cloudy, disappointing picture of the future is slowly being replaced by a new glimmer of hope, hope that is growing like a glorious sunrise. If I don’t let go, I’m going to be blessed just like Jacob and the woman with the issue of blood.

Will you believe just enough with me that He can ignite your faith once again? Let’s hold on to him with a tight fist and soar once again. Whether we crash or not, He’s trustworthy!